thousand fish
FEYXUAN Nguyen
a golden fish in a red heavensea,
will she be seaworthy?
THE PLAYERS:
MILLIONFISH【金魚】:I killed you once, killed you here. I DON'T WANT YOU TO EVER FORGIVE ME, hear this, hear me. (I don't want you to ever forgive me.) 許さなくてくれ。絶対にオレを許さない。
KOIICHI【鯉一】:I resent you for hating me as children, 僕の幼馴染、 my osananajimi, but there is no greater punishment than loving you now.昔、君は僕が嫌いんだったけど、まだ嫌いなのかでしょう。
ー ACT I ー
MILLIONFISH【金魚】: aren't you ever tired, Golden Boy? aren't you ever tired. (STROKES Golden Boy's HAIR, CURLING IT AROUND THEIR FINGERS AND WATCHING THE RED GLITTER DISPERSE LIKE SPORES FROM A MUSHROOM) i'm so tired, Golden Boy.AREN'T YOU GOING TO MAKE ME DIE YET?
KOIICHI【鯉一】: you have no natural curiosity, do you, NINGYOU? KINGYO. a goldfish with the longevity of a sea-crystal doll, do you know GOD, FATE, AND HOW SUCH THINGS FALL?do you not even care to ask me who I am? DO YOU NOT WANT TO KNOW WHO YOUR KILLER IS, will be?See This, See Me.
DO YOU (NOT) KNOW WHO GOLDEN BOY IS OR WILL BE?
Golden Boy, I don't know who you are, could be, but does it really matter? I AM JUST ONE DEAD SHRIMP TOSSED IN THE BATTER of bánh tôm, a word I know in my blood to be home, knew once, once knew...so few, now, are my recollections of it, only imaginings left.sweet potato shredded in the mandolin, topped with freshpeeled sweet amaebi shrimp, the batter spiced with garlic paste, ginger paste, fish sauce, and turmeric.MY DEAD WOMAN MOTHER LIKED TO PUT SCALLION IN IT. I PREFER GARLIC CHIVE MYSELF,but that woman died long before her health failed her. her mind went first.her mind is mine, now. TU FUI, EGO ERIS. who I am, you will be.who my mother was, I became.BUT I LOST ALL OF THAT NOW.I lost it long ago to the ocean tideflow.
you left me for dead, senju-kun, millionfish you may be now, but you will always be a 千呪 (THOUSAND CURSE) to me, a thousand-year long curse begins with thee, my first and last beloved.isn't it funny how we grow up? isn't it funny that the thirteen-year-old "boy" who you knew and didn't give a fuck, isn't it funny that I grew up to be This? listen, MILLIONFISH,
[ hands trembling ]
I THINK IT'S PATHETIC, SO PATHETIC THIS, but, MILLIONFISH, you ignited in me the start of my own thousand-year obsession with your personal ruination and (spits) salvation, even, could we say?do I, raised by monks, know that is what comes what may?I AM NOTHING NOW BUT A CREATURE THAT HATES YOU, A CREATURE OF HATRED, A LIVING THING UNSINGING UNABATED,but inside my chest. I know.THAT TO LOVE YOU IS TO LOVE ONCE AND FOR ALL.
ー ACT II ー
i, millionfish, touch you, touch this, tsugumi koiichi, the you i knew you'd never be, because i knew you'd never look at me. how can i touch you here knowing i killed you, that my hands were first stained with your blood.at that first nosebleed, first love,from then on my hands were stained with your blood.KOIICHI: こっち来て。金魚君、どうしてそんな顔するの？(come here, come here. KINGYO-KUN, why does your face look like that, huh?)MILLIONFISH: なぁ。。。鯉一君はオレになにを望んでるんですか？オレは。。。オレには物が何もないですよ。オレの物は全部「千呪」部族の物です。それ以外は自分しかないんですが。オレには身体と頭と魂と心と心臓しかないんですよ。それしかなくてしまったんです。でも、そんな存在は千呪の殺し屋の存在です。当然ですよね。（鯉一君はこの運命が逃れたけど、幸運がなければ、鯉一君はもう死んでいたかもしれないんですよ。あの日、この山で。。。忘れてしまった名前の山のふもとに川があって、山の崖で喧嘩したから。。。君は崖から落ちてしまったから、鯉一君は川に流れてしまった。絶対におぼれ死んだと思っていました。でも、おぼれ死ぬ運命は鯉一君の運命じゃなかったから今ここにいるんですよね。もし、あの時死んでいたらオレの所為になっていました。あ、気づきました？話し方が下手だということ。沢山の間違いをしてすみません。日本語はオレの母語じゃないんです。でもさぁ、鯉一君もう知っていますね。(ah, hey...KOIICHI-KUN, what do you desire from me? i...i have nothing, I AM THE ONLY THING THAT BELONGS TO MYSELF. all that I have belongs to the senju clan. all that I have left are my body, my head, my soul, my heart, my heart of hearts. those things alone comprise the thing that I am.but, such an existence is natural for a killer of the senju clan. koiichi-kun escaped such an existence, but if it were not for his good luck, he would already be dead, most probably. on that day...on the mountain whose name I can't remember, the one that overlooked the river, because we fought on the peak...you fell into the river, and you were washed away.I thought you had, beyond the shadow of a doubt, died.but such a fate was not meant for you, so right now such things are at ease....but if you had died, it would have been my fault.ah, I am no good at the manner of speaking this language, please excuse my numerous imperfections. this language is not my mother tongue. though you knew that, didn't you?）